Well more for my own recollection than anything else, I recently spent 5 weeks in Alberta working for Jonathan Jost. I had a great time and got to know Jon and Sharla better. Contrary to certain opinions, more implied than spoken, the reason for my trip was firstly work, which I had been without for three months, and secondly to get outside my comfort zone, break a few profligate habits that I had been forming, and spend some time studying the Word. As I should have expected the trip was quite successful in every area except the final one. Common sense will keep you from a boat load of sin and wasted time but all the good or even wise decisions in the world does not take the place feeding on the Word of God. Since I’ve started studying the letters in the Bible and the letters and writings of the saints through the years I’ve been struck by how much they deal with spiritual things. We as Christians are to encourage one another in the Lord and I don’t! Mostly because I’m so focused on my own unworthiness I’m a completely useless Christian. So I thought I would share a few things. Two things have really been impressed on my mind during the past month. One is the absolute need to spend time in the Word. The Word of God is the bread of life; we should desire it like we do food. We are not spiritually dead, those who have been saved, have been raised to life. We are, as Romans 6:11 tells us to “consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. But the way that I so often find myself living is as if I was dead to my savior, not reading my Bible, not spending time in prayer and thus starving my spirit as if it was still dead, and spending that time doing and thinking about things that are of the world or the flesh as if I wasn’t dead to sin. How often have I traded devotions for the most worthless of things! The second thing ties right into this and that is doubt of my salvation. I pray that I never fall foul of this again. To speak plainly I might even have had just cause for doubt, and I say this in case someone who reads this is struggling in the same way, but I sinned willfully and over a period of four days several times like I was stepping back into the life I used to live. Why would I return to the rotting, rebellious, pretense of life that brought nothing but pain, fear and anger? How could I do such a thing if I was truly saved? I don’t think these questions are invalid. But because of them shall I add to my gruesome record the sin of unbelief? Do I question the ability of Jesus Christ to atone for my sin however foul? Yes I’m a wretch! Yes if I continue in unrepentant sin it is evidence that I was never saved, and that I am the vilest of the sinners referred to in Romans 1:18 against whom the wrath of God is coming, but I have agreed with the schoolmaster of scripture that I have broken God’s law and am deserving of God’s wrath not only in this life but throughout eternity in hell, and I have believed in the Lord Jesus Christ that He paid for all my sin, past present and future, on the cross baring the wrath of God in my place, my life and desires have radically changed, and I have actually experienced joy and excitement in seeing things in scripture that I never noticed or understood. But I did not hate this sin, before and after, yes but not the whole time. And I wasn’t repentant, now I look back and weep over it but in the moment I didn’t. Suppose we extrapolate this from four days to four years. Could I still consider myself saved if I lived in unrepentant sin for that long? I don’t think so which is why I don’t dismiss the question lightly. But I am saved. Christ has saved me! As I sit here and write this my conscience does not condemn me as it did that short while ago. The process I was going through wasn’t one of examining myself to see if I was in the faith, but rather I was asking the question “how could you?” as if I didn’t know. What new thing was I learning? That I could sin against my savior? Has the truth of my sinfulness escaped me in spite of my written and spoken acknowledgement of it? If I actually believed what I so often pay lip service to, then it would come as no surprise that I am capable of such gross sin. But rather I would see each moment spent in prayer, in God’s Word or in any pursuit other than sin and rebellion as a testimony to Christ’s faithfulness and grace in my wretched life. Besides where would I turn? I’m a sinner. I’m deserving of hell. What did I have to show for 19 years of sin other than addiction, anger, guilt, etc? Anything of value that was in my life when I was saved was given to me, and was in spite of the life that I had lived to that point. Christ is the only savior! That’s not only a Christian belief; it’s a plain fact! There is no one else in history that has or could offer forgiveness of sins. When we examine ourselves to see if we are in the faith it is to see if we are living sin. If we have just sinned that is not the time to examine ourselves. We know we have sinned, that’s why we are thinking about it, if we are truly saved we should recognize that that sin is forgiven in Christ, ask forgiveness so that our fellowship isn’t hindered, AND FEED ON THE WORD AND PRAY. Ultimately assurance of salvation rests in what we place our trust in. If we trust in the progress we see in ourselves than we will question every time we sin. If we trust in the fact that we really, really feel that we have been saved than we will doubt when that feeling is gone. Can we trust in anything are anyone greater or more worthy than Christ? “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are one.” John 10:27 – 30 I hope this wasn’t too incoherent and rambling I haven't had enough sleep for a few weeks. It effects you after a while. I’ve been very busy lately and haven’t had time to do a lot of things. But when it comes to reading our Bible and praying THERE IS NO EXCUSE!!! If you miss a meal you are ready to eat by the time the next one rolls around, and you don’t use missing a day of eating as an excuse not to eat the following day! Anyway I’ll end this! :) Grace and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ! James Casson | 
